what do you do when you have all these crazy successful people around you?
and there you are, in love with an online entity who is so talented. one who does not give a single shit about you. and rightfully so. you are weird, you are poor, you are obsessive and you are nonsensical. the demarcation between you and her is like night and day.
you have nothing figured out. you cannot even compare yourself to the successful people in her life.
“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.” – Dostoevsky
currently reading Crime and Punishment and this quote hits so hard. because she just looked like something real to me. if i could be who i wanted to be. if i could have been what she wanted me to be.
but beggars cannot be choosers. the bitter truth. nobody likes a broken man.
my fake plastic love means nothing. i have to stop writing about her. i truly hope i dont wake up ever again.